Yesterday was a difficult day. It started off rough, and on top of that it was Eid which made things even more difficult.Yesterday felt like everything had come crashing down all at once. Though nothing actually did - I think it was all in my head. Not to mention that not only are my hormones out of wack, so that could've contributed to me feeling a certain way but I kid you not it really felt a little out of hand.
I told myself I would lighten up this blog a little bit and not post such depressing thoughts but then I realized that the whole reason I started this blog was so that I had an outlet to gab about anything and everything on my mind. It really wasn't about (no offense to you lovelies) the readers, it's more for me in a sense. If someone finds amusement or enjoys reading the messed up things that come out of my brain then so be it! I'm glad!
As I write this, I realize that this post has little direction and I'm not even sure where I am trying to take this ...
What I do know is that I have had the same song on repeat for the last 3 hours. That tells you something doesn't it?
What I'm really trying to get at is ... when did life become so complicated? It's like you grow up and all off a sudden BOOM! Everything becomes 10 times more crazy and troublesome. Everything from decisions to relationships and beyond. It just seems to get harder and harder. I thought as I get older these things would get easier, but it is quite the opposite.
It's times like these where that little bugger called REGRET creeps in and fills your brain with all these "what ifs".
I'm usually a faithful person, I believe in god and religion but even yesterday/today I just feel like there is nothing and no one out there that can help. I know in the back of my mind that this isn't true, Satan's filling my brain with nonsense but I can't help feeling this way.
Even though I am an indecisive person, I usually know what I want at the end of the day. I come up with a plan and execute it. But with so many things going on at once, I don't know where to start and what to do.
What I do know is that I want to be happy. So I kind of solved my own dilemma right there. Happiness is the end goal. I just need to find a way to reach there while navigating these massive road blocks along the way.
Now that i've had some more time to think about it, I realize that I need to do what's best for me and what makes ME happy. Because let's face it, no one wants to be oscar the grouch for ever!
- SMS XO
BTW, my fail-at-life-moment for today: It's poouuurrriinnnggg rain outside (as if we have had a drought or something) and all four of my car windows were left open. Nice job, Saf. Nice job. Who said growing up was fun?